- The NocturnalSaint

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Monday, September 12, 2011

 

Today I started the day fine. I tried to disregard the negative things around me,Stress from work, annoying people and etc. I want to prepare myself for our worship service. I want to focus on most important things which is to glorify my God. Thank God that I did enjoy our praise and worship. The message was really good. Thanks to Ptr. Jerry Dalaguit for preparing the message. Right after the worship service is the Woman’s fellowship which is composed of mothers in our Church. And here the dilemma started. Just so you know every time that our church conduct woman’s fellowship I am always invited though I’m not a girl or a woman. Let say that, that’s one of my privileges for  being close to these women. But on this particular Sunday I was not invited. There were actually a lot of them. if I’m not mistake there were more thirty of them. I can easily accept it they would give me the reason that I am not a woman or that’s for adult only. But how come that some of my fellow young people who are not usually there were invited? I know that is is so immature. I won’t even ask be surprise if you are laughing at me right now due top this post. I’m like a little child who’s asking for a lollipop but his Mom didn’t buy him. I’m not mad. I’m just sad? I don’t know. Maybe I’m just really stupid. Because of this stupidity I can’t even share this to my close friends. I’m can’t just imagine them saying, “What the hell are you talking about? What happening to you? Are you insane?”. But maybe yes I might be insane.
I’m just trouble with the things that is going with my life right now. My relationship with my friends, my job, my relatives, my ministry and even my faith. When was the last time that prayed to God intimately? I honestly don’t know. I felt that I am a zombie. I feel lost. I feel so empty. I might just be crazy. This are the time that I need someone to talk with. But where are they right now? Where are those so called “friends”? I feel so far a way from them. Though they were just beside me. No it’s not them it’s me. I’m isolating myself to this world that I created inside me. Now I’m stock. I want to cry but there were no tears. My eyes are so dry. Not even a drop. I want to shout! I want to scream but there is no voice coming out. It’s just that it’s so hard to breath. I’m helpless. Yet I know that there is still hope. It’s just that I’m still seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m just on the middle. No better yet to say that I’m just entering it right now.
I know that I can do this. I know that I can survive. I know that I will win. I know that I can. I can and I will.


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